I'm listening to the rain pelt against my neighbors metal garage. Their yard is filled with muddy water.

Something keep making a noise. It sounds like somethings drowning.

Every now and then I feel a small rain drop land on my shoulders but I don't want to close the windows.

The streetlamps are my stars tonight.

My neighbor's house looks like it's been iced over instead of covered in water.

No one else has a light on in their houses.

I'm alone.

The cool breeze, the soft rain sound, the small thunder in the distance and the toads croaking in the brush are mine to enjoy.

This is why I like to stay up late. This moment right here.

There is something so precious about it.

When you know your the only person who gets to enjoy this.

Like your special from all of the billions of people out there. This moment is yours. It was created just for you.

The turning tides or just a small breath of freash air before getting pulled down again?

Long title, eh?
Life's great and I'd like you to all have a laugh with me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRlhmdp2tJM&feature=related

Watch that video and see how stupid people can be.
WTF? I know right!!!
Now watch this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4w16aTJ808I

I think I've fallen in love with Sarah Chalke

Found Driver Bear

The Good:7
The Bad:6

If you can't count the small things than you'll find life a bit harder than me.

I need to write three poems tonight.
ugh...I suck at poems I hate them.
Can I'm stuck on my stupid 10 page story. I kind of hate what I've turned it into so I'm just going to sit down and write write write and then go back and fix it.

Just to keep myself busy without being productive random questions!

100 Things You Might Not Know About Me.

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT??
I had a pair of jeans and I stood up or jumped funny and cut my underarm near the elbow.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
The yellow/cream paint hand painted ferns by my grandma and baby animal print border that mark drew on so the lion is cloud and the monkey is Seph.


3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
I talk in my sleep, I always occasionally sleep walk.

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
oh-shit. What DON'T I listen to? Country and Rap are what I usually don't listen to but there are some exceptions.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
11:09 am during an ice storm.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
WATER! And my cat to get off the blanket so I can stretch my legs.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
...................I don't know

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
This really cool Cloud Strife action figure i got as a gi...wait a minute...

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
5'9...I think?

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Yes...so don't volunteer to be crawl in a freezer.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
Sometimes.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Charlie

13. WHAT’S YOUR WORST FEAR(s)?
Zombies, isolation, letting myself down, letting my friends down, being too afraid to do something that really matters

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE PREFERRED SEX?
Right now I have a thing for Blonds. They are really hard to find. Shaggy blonds.... I like blue and green eyes the best.

15. WHEN DID YOU LAST LAUGH EXTREMELY HARD?
Just a few minutes ago watching the youtube links I posted above oh and Hetalia....I wouldn't recommend you looking that up...your brain cells will die.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
Coffee preferably... energy drinks make my stomach hurt and body function but not my mind

17. FAVORITE PIZZA?
not a picky pizza eater

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Spicy Italian club 6" White Cheese Oil Jalapenos and Onions

19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
Purple, yellow's a close second

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
um...no?

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?
A Cloud Strif-- oh yeah JK. um...a stuffed pig my great grandma gave it to me before she died

22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
yeah, but not as strong as it once was

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
no. my joints want me to stay as stiff as a board.

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
...Target?

25. WHO IS THE HOTTEST FEMALE/MALE CELEBRITY?
James Marsden <3

26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?
yes, five

27. WHAT KIND IS IT?
4 cats and a dog

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
Leaving where? I find that this question makes no sense. Do I have control over who I fall in love with?

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED.
17..what a shocker!

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Blondes :)

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
:( no....Hetalia wants to make me travel more.

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Weak Spots:
The head is a fairly weak place one bullet to it and you may proceed.

The chest is another place we'd recommend aiming for, it might take more than one shot and she'll just roll around on the ground complaining in agony for a few hours before bleeding out.

If you shot on of the arms you cripple it.

Also knee caps and the spinal area are great places to aim for.


...
what...
oh shit she's got final attack revive equipped

36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
James Marsden.... wait that was a dream >:(

37. FIRST JOB?
Walking dogs, cleaning shit (literally), cleaning up blood (literally), feeding animals, throwing dead kittens in the dumpster.

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
I fail at those

39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOULMATE?
I do, you just have to find them, get them, and keep them. It's not written in stone you get them. Their the treasure of your life you have to hunt them down.

40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
putting off my homework...my foot's asleep!! son of a bitch

41. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?
yes, when I was 2 weeks.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
My smiles and my personality

43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?
yes

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A cloud strife action figure...what didn't get one? >:(

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
1 or 2
I think I want a little brunette girl and a cute blond haired boy. <3

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes

47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE PREEFRED SEX?
Nasty hair and a bad nose.

48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU MISS ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
It was easier, less responsibilities.

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
expensive shit.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
no.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Roast Beef

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Laziness that about sums it up

53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
sometimes

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
...I'm going to sound ego-centric but yeah totally

55. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?
Yeah but then again no

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Sometimes

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Drawing, reading, writing, crying, displacement, music, scrubs, and other various shit

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
No~

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
Mashed Potatoes

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Personality, humor, friendly, nice

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Jessie...

68. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?
Lost, Scrubs, House, Malcom in the middle, The Office, Heroes

69.WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR ENEMIES?
um...enemies? I haven't really had one. Avoidance?

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Chocolate and Strawberry. It's a tie

72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?
yes

73. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
HOMEWORK

74. WHAT'S THE FASTEST YOU'VE EVER GONE IN A CAR?
80 - 85

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
nah

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
X-files

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
water

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Danny, he locked himself outside

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
hair

80. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
same thing I do when I'm pissed off except I hang out with friends

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
Zombies, Twilight, Buddy, Danny ;)

82. FAVORITE MONTH OF THE YEAR?
March - July

83. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CANDY?
Reese's

84. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY AND TRULY HAD A BEST FRIEND?
Yep

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?
dark brown roots and red hair

86. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR?
hazel/green/gold

88. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
Taco Johns :) My cashier works there. I think he thinks I'm a creeper

89. FAVORITE RESTAURANT?
Cheesecake factory

90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
dunno

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
X-files

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
It use to be Wednesday but now that I have an 11 hour school day it would be friday

93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS?
Clarinet and the air drums air guitar and the air violin

94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT?
Democrat

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
Both

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Relationships

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
Water

98. DO YOU HAVE A LOW SELF ESTEEM OR A HIGH SELF ESTEEM?
Pretty high

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
Eh? What book am I not reading

100. DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE:
Fire=love

The fire burns with such intensity,
it all starts out as a spark
the spark is started by flint
rubbing seductively against each other
The flint was found on the ground
picked up and brought to the small pile
of dead plant carcasses that were gathered.

I'm the plant that's still alive in this piece. Green and enjoying the world not yet ready for the destruction of love.

Look I'm being poetic.

Ipod broke today

The Bad:6
The Good:6

I wish someone would ask me what I'm planning to do with my life.

I'd reply I plan on living it as it is now and how it changes until the end.

Plans always fall through.

Nothing should be set in stone.

Nothing can perceive or outlast time just follow it.

The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a return to the idealised past.

Patrick was a young boy of the age of 23. Most people would call him a young man but he was anything but, his face was still childlike with large gold eyes that still glimmered with awe at a sunset. He had yet to be so beaten by the world that his naivety turned to bitterness but this does not mean that the world had been unusually grateful to him, in fact the world seemed to be unfair and cruel to him and nothing it could do seemed to damper his spirits or whisked the smile from his lips for more than a few weeks.

Patrick was a shy boy with brown wavy ear length hair. One of the few things he hated was public speaking and large gatherings, unless of course it involved some liquid courage. He seemed to be frightened of the world that tried so hard to break him. He was scared of the dark, loud sudden noises, being alone, crowds, large dogs (and he wasn’t practically fond of the smaller ones either), guns, doctors, the ocean, and speeding are a few of his fears but the one thing he fears above all is failure. So you can imagine how devastated he was when he received notice 3 years ago that he wasn’t meeting his college expectations and, to put it nicely, had been asked to leave.

This was the warning sign that the world had turned on him. A year after receiving his letter his father and mother were killed in a drunk driving accident, short 8 months after the incident that had shaken him and his older sister’s foundation his sister went missing. The authorities had told him they weren’t expecting to find her alive. He was still waiting on closure. Perhaps you think it’s shameful that this young boy has been able to smile soon after the tragic events had taken place.

The first time Patrick smiled after his parents died was at their funeral as he wiped tears from his eyes and enjoyed swapping stories from his parents’ oldest friends. After his sister disappeared his first smile was in the city park, the trees were yellow and the sun shone through them giving the park a hue of gold. He would normally walk pass the playground and to a bench near a crossroad where it sat in usual solitude where he would eat a flattened sandwich and flip through a book. Today he paused for a minute to watch two children arguing, the taller brunette girl seemed to be lecturing the blond boy who pouted and glared stubbornly at her. He was reminded of the time his sister had fought with him and most of the time he came out the most injured. 3 black eyes, 4 bloody noses, a split lip, and three fingernail marks in his left cheek. It was needless to say Patrick never worried about his sister handling anything physical but now that he thought about it maybe he should have.

Just a little preview of an idea I've got brewing in my brain.

Title is a quote by Robertson Davies, "A Voice from the Attic", 1960

Picture: Split ends by xStacyxAnnx found here: ( http://xstacyxannx.deviantart.com/ )

It's the closest thing I could find that really matched my image of Patrick even if he is a bit younger. I'll bs and say it's his maturity level not that he's immature but his ability to handle difficulty situations and stress is about the same as a child's.

Not what you can see but what you can ask

Why do I have a blog when all I really do is write around what I really want to say?

Why is it so hard for me to say what I really feel?

Is it so scary to let people in?

Pic from:( http://www.flickr.com/photos/ilquoquo/ )

The Savage Nocturn

2009.

What can I say about you?

You started out great and are spiraling down faster than any other year by far.

Started out with a kiss. From someone I like.


The Bad
I got my teeth pulled and became a blowfish
I got kicked out of college
I got an infection in my mouth and became a blowfish again
He started seeing someone. Someone I know and feel bad about wanting their relationship to end.
I got in a car wreck

The Good
I'm going to be a maid of honor
I've gained even more confidence about myself
Made closer friends with people
When I got my infection the dentist apprentice hit on me. He was around 30.
I'm narrowing down on what I want to do
When I got in my wreck the cop hit on me. He was in his late 20's.


The Bad: 5
The Good: 6

So far good's winning but the way things are looking it won't last long.

I found a quote that puts down in words what I live by:

"You can either hold yourself up to the unrealistic standards of others, or ignore them and concentrate on being happy with yourself as you are."

Spring Break and My Birthday are coming up.

Will they make the good pull ahead or tie it up?

I honestly don't know, and I'm not sure I want to find out but I'm going to have to.

I'm sick of the rain and the cold. I want things to be bright again so the flowers will bloom and I can smell my favorite flower. They never last long but they're my favorite thing about spring.

Strong fictional characters that I look up to: (Women characters)
Jordan Sullivan
Larxene

Yes that's right I look up to the bitches. Why?

They know what they want, they aren't afraid to go after what they want.

They are strong and aren't like so many of the women that are shown on television these days that need to be rescued or the one's who make matters worse.

They don't care what you think because what you think is only a perception and they know the facts about themselves and they don't need you to know it.

Self-confidence, strength, and sexy.

I think most people are looking for these things but really it's just the manner of how you see yourself.

You'd just better hope that when you look in the mirror and see the real you staring back you like what you see.

I do. I notice my flaws but I actually like some of them. Like how my eyebrows are too thick and my nose is a little too long for my face. I don't mind them and I like how I've become personality wise as well.

Perfection is over-rated. That's what I've learned from reading the Twilight books. They make my insides feel like they are made of honey and cotton candy. In a bad way.

That's one of the things I'm looking for in a partner. Flaws that I can love, because seeing through the flaws and to the person they are underneath is what I think love is about.

I guess that doesn't just apply to a lover but also to friends.

I should really do my homework. I don't know why I'm rambling on and on. I just wanted to bitch about how crappy my year was going.

Ps. Larxene reminds me of a Praying mantis. The percentage is very high of the female mantis decapitating and ingesting the males head during intercourse. :D